The Day I Turned 30

Sunday, March 30, 2014

I often contemplate at night like it is a hobby (LOL) and last night, I felt like contemplating.

Since my mid 20's I frequently felt like I was such a strange person. There was a lot of contradictions to my actions and feelings, It was hard to understand myself of what kind of person do I really want to be. I try to be nicer and frendlier, but then I feared of rejection. I try to be just myself as they usually say, but then I sometimes feel awful. 

As the year goes, I could slowly accept who I am more. Then surprisingly, when I turned 30 (just a week ago), it came to me... Might be the additional 10 years of wisdom uploaded on me, gaining me a little bit of confidence. It felt like a 10-year upgrade.

It is your morals that makes you. I mean not of anybody, but YOURS. Any criticisms from others are not important. You know what you felt and thought at that exact moment. They don't. I'm not saying you should not take advices and listen to someone else's wisdom. By any means, absorb them. I'm saying you should know yourself more than anybody. By knowing yourself, you gain confidence to be just as you are. Also gaining the ability to assess yourself and be better than your old self, not than someone else. Sure, it is easier to be confident when you're all that, but being you is special. Accept it. Learn it. Love it. 
Now that I thought about it, I used to be like this when I was younger. I don't know what happened but I'm relieved it came back! Haha!

As I also said in our past post, I am an intuitive person. 
I sense all vibes fast which of course includes the negative. I used to get all fed up and feel sad about it, but I realized it is not important too. All of us have our own set of insecurities that makes us vulnerable to be accepted. As long as you yourself know your grounds, and both parties keep a necessary amount of respect, do not let those things easily affect you. Let them be. Just make sure to not step on anyone along the way, and also be on their shoes. 

I still have a lot of contradictions up here in my mind now, but I do not feel that crazy anymore. Not just because I have a little bit more confidence than before, not just because I know my grounds. It is because I also know now that it is not just me who feels flawed. It is not just me who is fighting against their inner darkness. In fact, these flaws and craziness makes us perfect in our own many ways. 

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